Sui Generis = Love = Intelligent Inquiry

In my essay about abundance I focused mainly on the material aspect. Only touching briefly on the abundance that can be found in the emotional and mental realms of ourselves. I think that these are the realms where true love expresses itself.

So what is love?

It’s a concept that is used to frequently throughout the world. It’s the central hub of most spiritual movements. Yet, what is it actually? Is there some kind of objective representation of love that pertains to all that relate to it? Or is is purely subjective, largely dependent on each individuals personal experience, perception being generated by the individuals emotional and mental states. I have heard the phrase “Love is truth” used before. It feels like a good, albeit simple, definition at face value. But what is truth? Whos truth? . For me, truth is best summed up as something of personal experience or something of deep resonance. I think true love, in its purest form, parallels a deep feeling of abundance.

If me expressing my truth conflicts with another persons truth, triggering some kind of emotional reaction in either of us. How does this situation resolve itself so that we both maintain the feeling of love towards one another. Is it loving for me to stop expressing who I am and my own truths because it causes conflict with others? Am I loving myself in this instance? The most important individual I need to love, for if I do not have love for myself how can I offer it to another. To begin to feel bad or wrong about my essences natural way of being? To start to ‘chunk’ in my own expression. So that the energy I constantly exude is dissonant. Is it loving for me to be pumping out dissonant energy into the environment?

Is it loving for the individual with a differing truth to learn how to manage their emotions around these kinds of interactions? Is this conflict arising for evolutionary purposes? For you to explore what your truth is? For you to find so much comfort in your truth that you do not feel confronted by differing truths? For you to take the time to untangle that part of your emotional system? So that you don’t waste energy on reactivity, becoming increasingly coherent. Knowing that you can be put into increasingly diverse kinds of situations and interactions and maintain your calm, open and loving state of being. This is power. This is how we attain self mastery.

This is essentially what the Sui Generis causes us to look at in ourselves. It presents the question, who am I outside of all the elements of others I have had projected onto me by others? We begin to listen to ourselves, what do I really think? I want to know how it is for me, not anyone else. I can embody other peoples ideas that resonate. Sure. How much am I refining and exploring my own experience? How much am I refining how that expresses itself? Creating myself?

How much is my creative expression of myself hindered by the reactions of others? Our desire to feel good about ourselves causing many to ‘put down’ differing expressions to make their own expression, or lack thereof, feel more righteous. With bucket loads of justifications hiding just under the surface of that righteousness. How strong is my ability to express the nature of my essence despite how I think others will react? This is my responsibility in the name of love for my environment, to be exuding energy that is purely and coherently me. That is self directed and not governed or limited by anyone other then me.

I can make up all kinds of bullshit excuses as to why I can’t do this. Why I can’t do that blah blah. To get really stuck in my own victim hood. To learn to live with the internal dissonance that arises from feeling like I come across as an exuberant weirdo to most, selling myself out in some way or another for external approval. To feel that I would be too misunderstood. That I could never show others how things really are for me because they would find it too confronting. Too outside the platform that they operate from. That the confrontation only causes them to direct all kinds of emotionally charged energy at me that I’m still not completely immune to.

Why do I feel like this is such a massive hurdle in this culture? Because true love, where we can connect with another and they don’t have a whole list of assumptions that they are unconsciously making, is so rare. A culture that does not take pride in deep exploration of concepts. Even concepts like love that are so prevalent. That individuals consider they are ‘caring’ about us when we appear to be out of alignment with their operating system. That we operate from something that they don’t comprehend. That the culture does not value the exploration of the unknown in themselves. That the potential for those kind of explorations are even possible without being some kind of scientific genius or spiritual guru. Where much importance is placed on deep self exploration. That questioning itself has become taboo. To ask someone an intelligent question about themselves in which they are consciously unaware of the answer, is to destabilise them and certainly not considered to be an expression of love. That we would quite often be shocked at what we found, were we to really take time to find the answers to these deeply personal questions.

Love is not an expression that never steps on another individuals toes. As quite often the experience of this is purely down to the perception of the individual who feels slightly insecure when feeling challenged. I challenge myself on everything, so that I can build a more stable operating system for myself. So that I can express a deeper sense of love that I find in my increasing ability to be free of heteronomy.

To approach social interaction with exploration as the focus. Where I am able to really LISTEN to what another is actually saying and formulate intelligent questions. Along the lines of, I think I’m experiencing you meaning this when you say that, is this how it is for you? The worlds of insight into others and ourselves beings around individuals who can take the time to ask more questions, resulting in assuming less, resulting in a clearer picture of who eachother ACTUALLY are. This is love.

When we can get ourselves outside of a trigger that is quite often the caused by an unconscious assumption. Taking time to figure out what the assumption is (can be tricky). Stopping the conversation and saying “Hey, something that you said just triggered me, I’m trying to figure out what the assumption is. Can you help me?”. Triangulating with one another and proceeding to ask whether your interpretation that caused the trigger in you was actually what they were trying to convey. Even if your interpretation was correct, you are presented with the evolutionary opportunity to transform your current operating system, by changing a bit of programming. That allows for you to not trigger in a similar situation again. You are even fortunate to have someone else around you to help you figure out what new thought code you could implement to prevent the emotions triggering.

This makes the individuals around us feel ‘Gotten’. That we actually give a fuck about understanding them. They don’t feel the need to hide from speaking their own opinions and expressing themselves, because the environment is conductive towards learning and developing more effective communication with one another. All emerging out of being able to form simple questions and build on them. We learn from one another, when we are around another who asks lots of questions and we can observe the effectiveness in the clear interpretations this person is able to garner, we can learn to do the same. We learn to not feel confronted by being asked a question about ourselves that we don’t have an answer to, we welcome it as a means to know ourselves. The most important expression of love. Our opinions evolve. Our consciousness expands. This is love. This is Sui Generis.

When we are playing in these emotional and mental realms with eachother we are often come across some REALLY sensitive areas eg. trauma and such. The above process must to be undertaken delicately at times. Holding huge amounts of space (remaining calm, centred and as neutral as possible) so that the other can feel safe. It seems there is such a massive taboo around feeling incompetent or not knowing something in the current culture. If we cannot learn to embrace these unknown places within ourselves how can we evolve? This is our shadow self, EVERYONE has one and it is nothing to feel ashamed about. Working with this allows us to bring in the light, and become consciously ‘more’. To know where we hadn’t known ever before. The most important kind of ‘progress’ that can occur. The ‘progress’ that gives permanence and balance to all other ‘progress’ that occurs.

To be able to ‘hold space’ as a questioner is a masterful art. To be able to remain as neutral as possible, without pushing energetic load of any kind into the question. Allowing the individual being questioned to respond in a more open manner and reveal more of their inner workings. It can be incredibly difficult to do as a questioner, when something that has been said triggers you. Asking questions from an emotionally charged space will almost never result in mutual comprehension. In love being maintained in the connection.

It is a common occurrence that when asked what we are meaning when we say something, that we don’t really know, a programme in us triggers and we squirm all about the place in a sea of hormones and give some kind of stubborn incoherent response. This programme not wanting us to see the fiction/story that it’s running from in order to continue its life, where it receives energy from the thoughts we have relating to the systems of thought. These facades we create in order to protect ourselves from those that have no interest in actually SEEING us. Allowing us to pretend like we have things way more figured out then we do deep down. Enough to convince those not capable or wanting to ask questions and explore, that it is so. Patterns that can be desperate to justify and reinforce themselves, combining with other patterns related to the common experience of people using questions as a form of weapon. I have experienced this kind of resistance occurring many times in myself throughout my process, helped by the fact that I can be incredibly stubborn at times……. This is where the questioner, who will quite often intuitively feel that the other is experiencing resistance in some way, needs to be really gentle in their approach. It’s so easy for the amygdala to fire generating the ‘fight or flight’ response. The conversation being all uphill/non existent from there. Unless the individual possess immaculate self control in being able to re-align: practice makes perfect. The questioner can ask further questions about the response, if they are talented enough to do so in a gentle way. Ask the person if they’d like to spend some time alone exploring it. Or drop it for another time.

Often when one is focusing on clearing oneself. In order to express more of themselves, more love. The same pattern will occur many times in various conversations. A good hacker will be able to piece these repeat occurrences and similarities together to formulate even deeper/more specific questions, attempting to hit the proverbial ‘nail on the head’. Quite often resulting in the remembrance of a particular event that occurred giving birth the that particular habit pattern, being able to see a different answer to the initial question that prompted the exploration. Being able to see They see where the meaning of what they were trying to express was skewed by the perceptions that arose out of having resistance, fear based pattern running part of the show. Where they may have been partaking in heteronomy. Part of the complexity of their signal projecting into their environment, stifling the evolution and expression of another at the some quantum layer of reality.

The Sui Generis is my ultimate expression of love towards the environment and beings around me. To give them the freedom to show me who they are. To ask questions. To free myself of assumption so that my energy doesn’t project onto them, applying resistance to their flow. To expand my conscious awareness. These are the characteristics of true love. The quest for truth, for accuracy, for objectivity, for knowledge and wisdom. To allow alignment/coherence wherever there is co-creation.


  1. Jim Farley November 11, 2013 3:40 am  Reply

    “I can make up all kinds of bullshit excuses as to why I can’t do this. Why I can’t do that blah blah. To get really stuck in my own victim hood. To learn to live with the internal dissonance that arises from feeling like I come across as an exuberant weirdo to most, selling myself out in some way or another for external approval. To feel that I would be too misunderstood. That I could never show others how things really are for me because they would find it too confronting. ”

    That’s exactly the kind of feeling that has gone through me at my “threshold moments”, and a large portion of the reason I didn’t feel I could cross at that time. I mean, who wants to be this shining, brilliant being when everyone around you is either frightened of it or *dissolved* by it? LOL What a great article!

  2. Danielle November 28, 2013 1:47 am  Reply

    Wonderfully written. May I quote the last paragraph..? It summarizes sui generis exceedingly well…. thank you.

    • En November 28, 2013 10:29 am  Reply

      Thank you Danielle, please quote all that you wish. You are most welcome.

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