songsfortheotherkind.com

Falling into love with my Self, yes, utterly, this is the signal that I'm moving into now.

I am slowly becoming Songs, and Rim is fading away
As I increase the signal in me, this is how it happens
One expression after the other, deepening, coalescing
Always falling upward into the frequency

I am built to evolve this way
Always the new creation, always making my Self anew
Nothing fixed so as to strangle the flow

I am the Art I am making



I am the Changeling meeting my Self

_________________
"For every lie I unlearn, I learn something new"- Ani DiFranco

Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go. ~ TS Elliot

Ok, I'm coming back to this and considering it further. First off, this:

marriage is a bit of a fairy tale, a long shot;

there's ways that I look at this. What the marriage is actually about between the individuals (and I use the plural here because I've known of poly marriages between three or more individuals); how much consciousness and honesty is happening in the dynamic?

I have absolutely no issue whatsoever expressing an intention for long term connection and evolution; I don't like shallow relationships, emotional 'butterfly' kisses where it's all slightly superfluous, like a mouthful of fairy floss (which I think USAnians call cotton candy): so as a Being what I'm actually interested in are individuals that are as interested as I am in evolution, every facet of it, including the depth of connection that is possible between individuals that aren't afraid to be their true Selves with one another-

I have always wanted to know what's possible with another individual who has the same unlimited potential within Self that I do; what it's like to move through the endlessly shifting landscapes, within and without, with an open sense of exploration and immersion in embodiment, rather than headspace and entanglement- another individual, or a number of individuals, who want to explore endlessly rather than hitting a set point and being happy to stay there. I'm not happy to stay anywhere for overly long- I love to explore and experience the space, embody the evolution and then begin to follow the next trail that's opened up. I'm a pioneer, an explorer, a follower of signal and evolution; I might stop and create some gardens, build a little earth roofed house and explore that space for awhile and then I'm called to the new thing whatever that might be

sometimes this requires shifting homes, or just leaving for awhile and then coming back- these days it seems that there's a sui generis community coalesing, so perhaps a little less of the constant rebuilding I've had to do in the past

and not every journey requires a physical shift it all, it simply requires willingness.

So what is the 'long shot', the 'fairytale'- that there's going to be an individual that will love you all your life? To me that's more up to you than anything else- are you prepared to be interesting for the rest of your life? In which case you'll have another individual/s who reflect that degree of interesting back *to* you, in their own Selves, their own Art, so that there's something TO love- because only those who have no choice at all accept eating boiled rice for dinner every night

their circumstances don't allow for them to refuse to eat, it's either eat the rice or go hungry

but when it comes to connections, we're not boiled rice. There's *always* options, even if sometimes those options are love and delight in your Self enough to be content with the rich banquet of Self served in aloneness, rather than compromise by being with the physical, spiritual and emotional equivalent of overboiled rice.

So what exactly is it that's the long shot, I wonder. I don't buy into the myth that I'm the only one up for this sort of exploration..



So what, then, is love really? Is it like surfing a wave, leaning back into the powerful curve laughingly, letting our hand stroke the curling power as it soars above our heads, flying across the face in a dance that responds to what is with the other, our whole Being immersed and connected to the moment that's presenting its Self, both within and without, so that we are Self and we are also the wave as it's moving across our infinite moment- is this what love is like? Does one argue with the wave regarding what it is and what it isn't? Is love about engaging with another Being with the same openhearted way one meets the sunrise, or stretches out beneath a sky full of clouds, or lies beside a rainforest stream and simply trails a gentle hand across the surface of the water, watching the expression of life, of Being, without feeling like something has to be done, or has to happen, or that we could 'make' anything better? Is this love, when the virus is dissolved? Isn't it the love that's already in you that is encountered in the mirror of another?

Why do we need another to experience that as if this is the only doorway? Isn't that where the desperation comes from? What if I could love my Self the way I love another- isn't that what the deepest longing is for? If one loves Self with no restrictions, no condemnation, no judgement, no sense of needing, simply with flowing acceptance and delight, isn't this the way one will embrace another? If this is how sui generis flows, where would there ever be a sense of dissatisfaction in one's connections? Isn't that love what is actually being desired- the infinite possibilities, the freedom, the acceptance, the connection without constriction?

If that's love, then anything less appears as a struggle between sui generis and virus, the attempt to detangle one from the other- which creates this



What if we simply stop struggling with our programming and engage one another with raw honesty, being willing to be all the things our internal virus says we can't be? I'm short, strange, 'overweight'- and thus not okay- by some other individual's standards which can tear me apart if I buy into them

but I love my body, what it can do and how it feels- in only three weeks of training I'm kicking higher, I'm moving faster, I'm so changed that individuals I know keep telling me how utterly different I look, my clothes are looser on me, I'm so strong that I've upped my weights in three training sessions, I can nearly do the splits again, I can get up flights of stairs without hurting-

I don't want to try that hard anymore with individuals. I want to be my Self and be open to those who like the expression- everyone else are free to do whatever except lay their heteronomy on me. I'd rather be alone that told I have to try, to 'be' someone I'm not to keep someone else 'happy' (which generally means 'happily in their comfort zone' anyway) and fuck all that.

.

The romantic- or the intuitive, intelligent Being? What is 'romantic'? I don't know what this word means to you, I just know intuitively that connection can be made when none of the Beings involved have a script about what that 'means', what it's supposed to look like- what is 'properly discerned', in your opinion? What happens if another's opinion about that is different, yet there's a molecular, inexplicable bond that surges through your Being with your own pulse that connects you together, a pulse that has no interest in all the thinking and intellect? What happens if your evolution is smarter than your brain- if one is conscious enough, willing enough to simply open to the connection and trust Self to take care of Self totally?

How can I ever, ever know better than you what's perfect for you? And if you tell me what is perfect for you in the moment, on what basis can I ever tell you that *this isn't right*, and give you some other you that *I* think you 'should' be? Why would I bother doing that- if the multiverse doesn't do anything twice why would I be interested in making you into a mini-me? I'd only engage in that if I wasn't very interesting- and I'm very, very interesting, so I won't be doing that sort of boring predictable



I'm beginning to view the whole marriage thing as a possibility, one that if it's experienced with genuine intention, reveals that the next move is to move out of the contract and into the choosing in every moment, the fluid state of acceptance and conscious engagement with the moment and the other- all contracts make individuals lazy, they point to them and say 'that thing there!' as if it's the end of the matter, as if the sum of the possibility can be nailed to the words written on paper

and to the uninteresting, that's exactly where the evolution *does* end, but to the interesting there are doors after doors after doors to explore beyond it...



Here's a book that talks about ethical poly relationships . It's one of the best books written about the many alternatives to traditional monogamy and one of the topics it covers is called 'fluid bonding'. There's a huge difference between random shagging and crafting a connection with another that has clear platforms for being able to relax into the situation- fluid bonding is one of these platforms.

The thing about all these notions of 'romantic' or whatever, for me, is that frequently intelligence and consciousness go flying out the window. Sexuality done well takes consciousness, intelligence and the willingness to be adult about some things- fluid bonding being one of them. My sister has a had a kidney transplant and cannot risk catching any STD of any kind so for her it's practical- any potential partner has to be willing to be comprehensively tested for STDs or any fluid transmissable disease- and come up clean- before she'll bonk them. I'm fluid bonded to Triffid because we're in that sort of a relationship, and if I ever fluid bond with another it will be with the same degree of intelligent process- and testing. We're not living in Toyland, disease isn't a fantasy- and yet I am aware that with consciousness, integrity and radical honesty in a connection I'm prepared to fluid bond to another Being. Part of the deal with this is that all such bonding is dealt with together as a sexual group- all who might be affected by the decision get to express their feelings about it, the issue is approached with conscious awareness of all the ramifications of violating the bond itself.

Personally, with the way Otherkind intimacy circles work (at least my sort, heh) there's no question of fucking outsiders- I don't like muggles to be around, I'm certainly not going to be fucking them. I don't like condoms either, so I'm going to be fussy with my partners. I'm not interested in casual sex and one night stands, they've never been interesting to me- I'm kinky for a start (in the definitions of others, anyway) and frankly that takes a bit of a connection to nagivate without misunderstanding- I don't like getting hurt and there's certain things that, if said to me during sex, can actually trigger me into right hooking the other individual with all the strength I can muster, then get up and walk out without a backwards glance- so I'm not interested in getting tangled up in someone else's sexual or emotional incompetence either, and one night stands have exposed me to sufficient amounts of both to let me know that they're not worth it.

Having said that, I like sex that has an interchangeable number of individuals. So I'm interested in creating community where such things are both safe and possible, hence the intimacy circle. I'm interested in creating intimacy within a group where there's so much interesting going on with the dynamics that there's basically no room for anyone else. *laughing* Now, *that* would be a truly intriguing thing to experience- but I'm weird like that...

*grins at you*

_________________
"For every lie I unlearn, I learn something new"- Ani DiFranco

Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go. ~ TS Elliot

i can't really think while i'm in the library, so this'll likely be brief...

Songs, i'm honestly not sure if i'm being too casual with the 'romantic' thing or if you're being too analytical. what do i mean by it? i mean things that are seemingly impossible, like marriage, can work. i really don't know how else to say about it. oh fuck, you're gonna ask me what i mean by 'work' now aren't you?

on paper the 'poly' thing is every man's dream, though i'd be lying if i said that i could view that word and not imagine a bunch of creepy mormon women in pilgrim clothing nodding along impassively to their similarly dressed long-bearded messiah as he pontificates on the benefits of bonking multiple under-age girls at the same time it still has that stigma (virus?) in my mind that i have a hard time looking past.

and though i believe monogamy to be an unnatural state, i'm not entirely sure poly would be any more successful, due more or less to basic human dynamics such as jealousy and insecurity and fear. but then again, you're not human, are you? well, i am unfortunately, and i'm prone to these programs, admittedly. oh, i'm no more or less jealous than the next guy, but when heavy emotions get involved the shit can hit the proverbial fan. say, for example, i view my close mate walking out of a room with pitched tent and a mischeviously smiling woman i've fallen for...no amount of poly logic is gonna stop me from feeling neglected, jealous...or even angry maybe. this is what i mean when i say love is not logical. logically, i'm appreciating what you're writing, but i doubt i have the emotional wherewithal to sustain meaningful realtionships over a long period of time with multiple partners. many years ago, my best friend actually *asked* me to bonk his girlfriend! it's true. why? well, lets just say he was erection challenged, and thought "spicing" up the love life might change things. for those of you who are still confused...he was proposing a *threesome* and though it sounded good on paper, it wasn't; it was preposterously weird, bonking my friends' girl while he sat there watching, and it created an awkward rift between us that lasted for months. even now, 10 yrs later it's a sore subject. it was a huge regret.

and love? what is love? you ask. come on Songs, even horned she-devils have that tingly warm feeling in their bellies when the right person walks in the room...don't they? are you really gonna make me explain love?

and hey, i'm with you on the minute to minute appraisal of the marriage union. in my previous post i suggested marriage as a day to day commitment, lasting only as long as both partners saw fit. maybe minute to minute is better; or even moment to moment. though that's a bit oxymoronic, seeing as though a marriage contract would hardly be needed for such an arrangement.

you're married Songs??? i'll admit, you shocked the shit outta me with that one

regarding 1 night stands... i haven't had but a couple, but i have to say: i like 'em! you don't? really? not sure if i believe you! then again, i've been told that i'm emotionally unavailable, that i deliberately wreck potentially rewarding relationships out of fear etc... i've been to a handful of hypnotists, and 2 of them also happened to be psychotherapists; these were the only 2 i respected, and they bascially said the same thing to me, that my main problem was "self-hate". and you know what? i secretly feel that they're right!

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"Ah, fuck it!" -- Zebra

This post is inspired by a conversation I had the other day with the 62 year old Otherkind that I've recently reconnected with. I was talking in my usual animated fashion with him about sui generis, the signal and the law when I noticed that there were several individuals leaning forward to listen to our conversation. One of them started asking me questions regarding birth certificates and registering children, because they wanted to avoid doing that. I don't like having these kinds of conversations because generally individuals get one or three pieces of information and go sailing off into shark infested waters in a fresh meat canoe thinking that their three pieces of information are going to establish the matter.

Something that this individual said struck me as being indicative of what it's like to have conversations with muggles; when I gave them a ghost sketch of sui generis and how it works on own authority, they immediately responded with their own agenda-

"I don't see why, just because *I'm* not a slave, I can't have slaves" they said imperiously

and right there is why the evolution is clear about the signal it's putting out. The signal for wanting to dominate while not being dominated is a corruption, an inbuilt desire, for those in the high anunnakisapiens signal. It doesn't go away: it's something that, like the sharks, circles constantly around the hub of the matter, trying to find a way to make the unworkable work, to have their domination while vigorously- and often indignantly- repelling the efforts of others to dominate them. It's impossible to engage, impossible to enlighten the individual, because at the heart of it all it's what they *truly* want- they want a world that leaves them untouched, in their comfort zone but allows them to affect the worlds of others in whatever way they wish.

It doesn't work. There are energetic and physics reasons why this doesn't work, and I'm not the droid to elucidate those because I'm looking much deeper into the frequency, I'm not interested in those that want to stand there and argue their own blindness with me when they don't know their blindness exists, or they pay lip service to it and go straight back into their virus. I'm not the droid for that sort of activity. I'm not here for fuzzy frequency engagement- I'm after the frequency that actually groks what the evolution is on about, even if the details are hazy- not the frequency that is looking to be the new Emperor.

I'm not interested in Empire. It's going to be interesting- in a slightly bored, mostly distant and rather Spockish kind of way- to see how many melt down at the first talk I'm doing this month. 28th of September is when they start, so perhaps see if there's a ripple in the frequency... *grins*

_________________
"For every lie I unlearn, I learn something new"- Ani DiFranco

Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go. ~ TS Elliot

let me admit something here...

whenever i'm introduced to foreign concepts, such as 'otherness', or 'virus', or 'poly'..or whatever, i generally react with a bit of sarcasm. it's just my way i s'pose. i *will* acknowledge the concepts' legitimacy in my own shitty way but will always keep a foot in both worlds so as to protect my feeling of needing to be clever should it all turn out to be bullshit. it comes from a place of insecurity. i know this but still indulge the process because it's my way of proceeding in situations where i feel borderline incompetent.

6 months from now, my opinions may be drastically different. i'm very fickle, and always of many minds about many things. my gemini nature, perhaps? not sure.

i'm only in the honeymoon stage of my mental process regarding poly relationships, so expect a lot of nervous joking and sarcasm from me as i navigate my way thru the thicket. and forgive me as i do this in no way do i intend to degrade or marginalize others' opinions -- it's just Chinaskers being Chinaskers.

_________________
"Ah, fuck it!" -- Zebra

No I'm not- yet. You're at the library, which isn't conducive to indepth writing. I may be wicked, but I'm not evil



often..



*shrugs* that's programming, which is useless and constricting no matter in what aspect it's manifesting. The thing that is really the interesting bit is- what do you want to do about it? Being complacent about virus stigmas is, in my own practice, like taking on any other stigma or prejudice or programming- any of the 'isms', the lurking prejudices, the way the virus tries to serve itself up with a lovely garnish. To me there's no difference to the approach regarding whatever crap it is that the virus is attempting to serve up to me- I'm not interested in self deception and programming in my Self, so it's what I explore, constantly, and if I'm around others that don't enjoy that I end up giving them the absolute shits and they start to get irritated or downright furious with my persistent nature with regards the virus- 'can't you give it a FUCKING REST?' is something that's been said to me on many an occasion, and then they get really pissed when I say no.

I think this is why I'm being drawn back into physical modalities like dance and martial arts again- I get to explore my own process without engaging verbally, which is better for me- the stronger the signal gets in me, the less inclined to engage the virus in others I am- specifically the virus they *don't* want to engage, the parts of Self they want to keep in the dark- which inevitably happens around me. I am much more sanguine about disconnecting these days when it's become clear that the limit of the evolution in that space has been reached with another individual, I don't struggle with it like I used to- it's like that Zola Jesus song I love, "if it's in (their) nature, you never win" - and that's absolutely the way I've found it to be. Anything that any individual clings to as their particular sacred cow marks the end of the possibility of evolution with me and I'll just fade out



go somewhere else where who I am doesn't meet a wall of resistance and splat. These days, that appears to mostly be within my own skin, hence the dance and movement oriented life.

.

So because insecurity and fear and jealousy are present- what? Go along with the virus because it's too challenging to shift the signal? Which would, to me, mean that in any connection that's made the underlying dissonance of settling for whatever rather than creating something truly new is already sending its shivering signal through the facade. But that's just my perspective.



It's not the *not* feeling these things that matters, it's what one does with them when they arise that's the possible doorways for evolution and something interesting. The virus still comes up and smacks me in the head about all kinds of things- I'm not virus free!- but there's a world of difference between running with it madly and buying into it utterly, or standing back with a slightly wicked grin, saying 'heh, I can see what you're doin' there' and consciously dissolving it. The latter leads to way more fun and bouncy things.


this is what i mean when i say love is not logical.

You're describing a lot of things in this, but *to me* love isn't one of them. Lust, desire, ownership, contortion, virus, entanglement, want, need, and a whole heap of other things, absolutely- but love? See ** below.



Yeah, well, I don't have the emotional wherewithal to sustain *one* relationship done the sapiens/virus way, so I can grok the aghast factor. Joyfully, I'm not talking about sapiens/virus distortions of connection, because those just make me want to smack something in the face.



Hence my repeated reference to *conscious* connection- that was hidden agenda, dishonest, and a transference of his own issues- which were showing up in his physical dysfunction- onto you, rather than dealing with things honestly with his gf. I wouldn't have touched it with a 40 foot pole, pun intended, and I still wouldn't have done it.

Fuck, sex is energetic connection and signal transfer and many, many more things when done consciously, honestly, in connection to Self and the Gateways- the sex engaged in in this paradigm is the McDonald's version of what is essentially a week long banquet, energetically speaking. So because you did something that was empty of integrity and consciousness, and got the splat that results from doing such things, you think this is what it's like?

Ah, nooooooooo.



Remember the shit I copped on PA for being particular about their flagrant flinging of the Love word about in any sticky manner they wished? Yeah, that. 'Love', like most other words, is subjective- I know what love is like for me but I've yet to fully encounter that in another individual- Triffid and I love each other, absolutely, and it's nothing like what is talked about in the mainstream notions of it. So of course I'm going to ask you

this word you are using, in what way are you using it? what does it look like to you?

assumption being something I don't engage in unless I've flipped out of consciousness- in which case I kick my arse promptly and get attuned again. This happens less and less, the more I live within my own Self. How much pain and confusion has been caused between individuals who assume that *their* interpretation of the word is the same as the other. Blargh.



again it depends on what the individuals are actually doing with the connection, doesn't it...



*laughs* Why? Although if I'd known back then what we know now about marriage contracts in terms of the state we'd have chosen a different way of expressing our connection, which is what we're doing now, but yes, I *like* long term connections- they get so much more delicious with time...



to me, one night stands are a real russian roulette on many levels, and I've gotten more choosy with where I share my energy and engage with another's. Having said that, *some* energy- the Pan energy, the *real* Pan energy, not the sexual predator energy disguised as Pan energy- and incubus energy are two that create a totally different signal for me. I will unhesitatingly engage an incubus or a true Pan. But yeah, like that happens often... *head shaking*



So, are you happy with that? Because if you are, then who cares what others label it? And if you *aren't*, then what do you want to do about it?

/headtilt/

_________________
"For every lie I unlearn, I learn something new"- Ani DiFranco

Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go. ~ TS Elliot

This is awesomely cool, your honesty here. So gorgeous.

Isn't it crap how much the issues of the opinions of others affect our natural way of Being? Learning to be utterly comfortable with our own process, regardless of how others think that makes us look like a dickhead or incompetent or whatever.

Viva la dickheadery! And I would also like to add that my own responses are not aimed at heteronomously (heh, I love that word, I keep wanting to add Bosch to the end of it) wanting to distort anyone's process. It's just me being the holographic fractal mind that I am.



*laughing*



*bounce* and I for one wouldn't want it any other way.

_________________
"For every lie I unlearn, I learn something new"- Ani DiFranco

Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go. ~ TS Elliot

Hm... con-tract.

In one sense us having a discussion is a contract. Agreeing to abide by the Pub rules is another contract. Me promising not to teach the kids how to belch on demand is another contract. Sharting in bed is a another contract my better half and I have, albeit unwritten and non verbalised.

To my mind the best contract I ever made was with myself... to walk my talk. Not that that hasn't been broken on the odd occasion but nobody kicks me harder when I'm down than I do...

As for the state sticking it's nose into our marriage well I've been wondering about how to fix that. Now it occurs to me that should the guberment have changed the laws regarding marriage sometime in the last twenty years it potentially presents the opportunity to nail the bastards under breach of contract.

So far as even considering a long term monogamous relationship *looks at chinaski* in my experience everyone one of them has been different and unique in its own way. In my particular case I had to work through the problem of regularly falling in lust and since the only pre-requisite was a pulse that took some time... as I am a terrible flirt the compromise panned out to be a case of it not mattering where the appetite comes from as long as I eat at home. Age also seems to have helped me out a bit on that front as well.

Statistically I am, touch wood, one of the lucky ones in that I don't have any idea what she sees in me that has made her put up with me all these years. I'm just very glad that she does since I've stolen her youth and wrecked her body via the childbearing process to boot which makes the accounting a little lop sided considering she is also the chief bread winner as well. The price asked is old fashioned monogamy and to be honest I'm quite happy to pay it.

The preacher man said during one of the pre marriage lectures we'd argue over three things...sex, money and I forget the last one as we have only ever argued over the first two. Prescience or programming?

Re reading that it all sounds a bit "If you leave me can I come too" type tragic, but hey that really is the way it is...

_________________
The opposite of a profound truth is another profound truth. Neils Bohr

that am I say and too point cannot I which that am I

Yep. I'm back thinking about contracts again. Call me obsessive. With a little chicken on the way (due in April) and many relationships in my life hitting all kinds strained, stalled out and otherwise interesting states, I'm wondering about my good old pal, el contractissimo.

I certainly feel obligation to do right by my little one, raise him or her up right and all that. But how to do that without contracts--baptism, meeting estranged members of family out of obligation, agreeing to let him or her enthusiastically support a 'football' team, and shout 'Go You Reds' and shit like that. Shit that I hate.

Doing the whole life tap dance. I don't want to do it, and I don't want him/her to have to do it either.

It's on my mind again, fresh, but this time from a new perspective. The child. Other people in the child's life who are at least as important to the child as I will be, etc.

I don't do compromise well, and I don't do other people's shit very well, either. For sure, there's a selfish component there, a desire not to get sucked into a camp, a way of thought, or even an aesthetic.

Is it noble? Is it just selfish? I'm not sure. But I do know it costs me. Not that I'm whining. Not exactly anyway. It's my choice to value independence above all else.

I'm still working it out.

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...

This one has been hugely on my mind as I've been going through my recent round of evolution: I wish I could just download all my thinking (Dragonthink, now *there's* the program I'm looking for!) so that I don't have to go through the actual process of distilling the elements *and* having to construct them in some kind of intelligent flow

at the moment I'm in between the space of embodying a metric fuckton of evolution and dealing with the outfall of an individual who steadfastly refuses to evolve at all, unless it's with my energy and at my expense, so my distilling fu is a bit Epic Fail right in this moment

but I wanted to let you know that I'm eager to explore this one with you when my Fu has finished powering up

*grinning*

_________________
"For every lie I unlearn, I learn something new"- Ani DiFranco

Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go. ~ TS Elliot