songsfortheotherkind.com

Seems I was getting a coffee when they were handing out observational skill. When I read your comment about the Marie-Claire model, I had to go back and look v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y at the photo to see what you were talking about. Then my amazing powers of reasoning took over. “Oh. Oh, I see. Some individuals would be uncomfortable looking at someone without a complete left arm…”

puppy and bunny are confused by some individuals

Then I thought “Oh, I do hope zhe didn’t decide to be left dominant” which of course is entirely zher choice, but there you go, I haven’t yet let go fully of the stickiness that is my 3D existence. Because I had decided to be left dominant, initially, and had that beaten right the hell into submission at an early age. And now, I’m re-exploring it, because it’s fun. Because having multiple sclerosis doesn’t mean I can’t do zero to 60 in 0.3, it just means it isn’t wise for me to that every day, if I want to be able to do it every week.


Which leads me, in my peculiar haphazard mode of thought transit, to the concept of experiencing Self without entanglement. That’s where my 3D head met the virtual wall.


Currently I’m getting more involved in trying to understand the English language. So what do the words experience, and Self, and without, and entanglement mean?

Experience. Being free of being around a state or condition or action or process.
Ex = Without. Out of. From. Former.
Peri = About. Around Near. (In Persian mythology, a mythical superhuman being, initially seen as evil and later viewed as a good djinn or faerie)
Ence = State or condition. Action. Process. Coming out of/from.

Self = The evaluation by oneself of one’s worth as an individual in distinction from one’s interpersonal or social roles.

Without. Accompanied by moving away from an enclosed or hidden place.
With = Accompanied by.
Out = moving away form a particular place especially one that is enclosed or hidden.

Entanglement. The result of encapsulating in a confused mass of something twisted together.
En. To put into or onto or encapsulate. To cover or protect with.
Tangle. A confused mass of something twisted together.
Ment. Result of a specified action.

Being free of being around a state or condition or action or process, evaluating one’s worth distinct from interpersonal or social roles, accompanied by moving away from an enclosed or hidden place, (where I think that place is) the result of encapsulating in a confused mass of something twisted together.

Thank you, Songs. I like that. More later, when I am better able.

So I shifted energy in profound ways this morning and that shifted the direction that my life was going in. The Tribunal was today and while some of our issues were upheld, there were others that were not and these were the important ones- at this point in time the owner gets to remain in the cabin and the ruling is that the cabin isn't part of our rental.

This is profoundly interesting because this morning I felt the energy shift away from this property. I've been looking at other rentals further back up the coast, larger houses that would more support an extended family again, because I want to have space to expand back out, that includes En in the family, that allows me to have the privacy and dynamic that it is I want to explore and create. This house is simply too small for that.

There are possibilities, but what I am interested in is staying with the process and signal within me, seeing where this fundamental shift in energy is wanting to take me now, because this morning I changed the course of my life. I went to acupuncture and Marlene was looking at me while she was taking my pulses: she asked me what I had done and I simply said 'I rebuilt my Self from the inside out' and she nodded slowly, eyebrows raised and a smile on her face as she said "You really did, didn't you". I don't fuck around when my evolution is this major, it's all in or all out and I chose me this time.

Which apparently changed the course of how things were flowing at this place. We're not meant to stay here now, apparently, and I'll see how it all pans out: the landlord's remarks and suggestions were so ludicrous and conspiracy theorist that now I'm just laughing about how ridiculous it all is, but it's still annoying that he's able to spread that bullshit around.

It will be fascinating to see how all this pans out, and in what time frame. I'm simply holding to my Self again, in my internal centre, and letting everything emerge from there.

My guitar playing still sucks, but it sucks in a fun way. I'm happy and fascinated by the way energy is moving, although it's disgustingly hot here and I wish it would storm.

*faceplant, laughing*

_________________
"For every lie I unlearn, I learn something new"- Ani DiFranco

Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go. ~ TS Elliot

Another conversation in the new evolution of Triffid and I

tonight I am struck by passing sadness at this inevitable shift between us

I knew it was going to be this way from the beginning, even when I fought so hard for it to be different

it is what it is, though, and there is love there beyond any idea of 'relationship' or 'marriage', there is acceptance and space for who he is as a Being

and more importantly, in me, there's space and honour for who *I* am as a Being

I am taking the greatest leap into my own unknown that I have ever taken: I am laying down the connection that I thought was going to be there always, for connection with my Self and with a signal so clear and strong it's altering the course of my life. I'm scared, I'm sad, I'm embracing everything with a constantly expanding heartspace, I'm breathing into every moment of it and I'm aware that this is the choice I'm making, consciously, for my own evolution and joy.



I'm moving towards a horizon of possibility and experience so wide I cannot see the end of it, even as I carry the love for those behind me with me- this time I'm not letting that love hold me back from my own Self and evolution. I'm holding the space that I'll turn my head and there'll be another Being there, riding the evolution as fast and as embracingly as I do, grinning at me and inviting me to go further still. I care about the ones behind, I just don't want to hold my Self back anymore because they can't go where I can go, they can't do what I can do, they can't be where I can be.

It's not judgement of them, it's loving my Self for who and what I am. I want to know how far I can go, what I am capable of, when I set my Self free



I'm feeling everything, I'm embracing it all, I want to live honesty to the degree where there is absolute cohesion within and without

and right now, I love two very different men in very different ways

and I'm missing one of them hugely even though this process is priceless and I know that when he comes home, a totally different life will unfold

it already is

because I've chosen my Self

_________________
"For every lie I unlearn, I learn something new"- Ani DiFranco

Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go. ~ TS Elliot

Songs, because I lack the words to describe elegance in motion

My heart lights up these days in ways I hadn't dreamed possible. Today I coloured my hair turquoise and fuscia because I wanted my hair to be as bright as my spirit feels.


I hung out with Rockchick for the past few days; today we were playing around jamming and a song emerged, so we took my spiffy recorder out into the shed where we could get away from the noise of the girls and we played with our guitars and pleasure in each other's company. I'm uploading the recording raw to the audio section, if anyone wants to hear what I sound like singing and mucking about.

_________________
"For every lie I unlearn, I learn something new"- Ani DiFranco

Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go. ~ TS Elliot

At the beginning of last year I was consumed with passion for the subject of the sui generis: I was in hyperfocus most of the time, connected to something within me and within the energy that was fuelling me beyond anything I'd ever experienced before. Then, over a course of time, this faded until I experienced my Self back in the old familiar constrictions, the lack of inspiration, of possibility.

I have been experiencing a very familiar lockdown of energy over the past few weeks. I keep getting tangled in useless patterning and draining exchanges with Triffid despite my desire to experience something different and last night I spent time exploring what it is that I'm contributing to this, what am I bringing to keep it happening: it's a confusing pattern to be approaching in conjunction with the fogginess and constriction I've been experiencing. I have come to observe that these things are actually connected.

I have been struggling with knowing where the sui generis wants me to go next, but it's not knowing that is the issue, it's doing something, ANYthing, to move the energy forward. I recognise that I've been using the entanglement and patterns with Triffid as a way of holding my Self back from living more deeply into *my own* calling, following *my own* path, instead focusing on a bunch of tangled emotional coathangers and getting sidetracked because of fear of my own path.

I've been afraid to move out into the great expanse of my own Self because it felt scary to leave things and individuals behind, but that's only resulted in pain and yuck for all concerned: I own that I've been sidetracking my Self with all this external engagement to keep me from what I'm *really* afraid of doing- living into my possibility and path. I've been stuck here for almost a year now and I can see the shit for what it is- more programming and distraction.

I've been doing a lot of meditation lately where I've been focusing on my heart and living from there, but with Triffid what rises up between us is the history of crap patterns and ways of Being. I want to move beyond that, for my own sake as well as that of the whole family and situation, but I haven't known how to: it felt like every possibility only led me to places where bad things happen in me and I've been feeling trapped by the dynamic, wanting something different but not knowing what the key was



Last night I lay there in the dark, the Tiny Empress sleeping beside me, and I expanded my heart chakra again, went deep inside my own energy, questing in my Self to discover where I've been constricting my own energy to result in the pattens I'm experiencing around me



and in this I return to some tools and perspectives from the past and I can expand into love and gratitude for the moment, the perfection of what's happening-

I'm grateful to Triffid for being the way that he is, because he's a perfect mirror and teacher for where *I* am right now, showing me the places and internal spaces where I can expand, where I can let go, where I can turn my energy and attention to what needs clearing in order for me to live into my own evolution. I'm grateful for the landlord reflecting lessons back to me, so that I can question what do I need right now?, where I can take up the power of expansion and expression in me, move beyond the constrictions of others with gratitude and love because those individuals are present in my life to show me what my *true* 'what now?' is. As I become unstuck and flowing, those around me are freed of the roles they've been stuck in, their role as my mirror for that particular issue, and I can Flow, and they are free to discover their own 'what next?'. All the perspective I have regarding Triffid- my perceptions about his behaviour, his stuckness, his world- I can apply to my Self and look at my own stuckness, my own constrictions, my own whatever, and do something about that.

I can see that I've been constricting my possibilities based on a whole heap of noise. I don't have to live the constriction, that's choice on my part, and I can choose something else. I can choose to experience the conflict as a teacher of where I need to go next, to live into releasing the pattern of conflict in my life and in me, to explore new terrain in my inner landscape and plant a different garden where the conflict previously grew. I can open my willingness to experience individuals with whom ease and joy are the base platform, release in gratitude those who showed up with the offerings of conflict and constriction so that I could see where those elements were still at work in me, and flow towards what I *want* rather than what I don't want, without agenda or judgement.

I get that this is a deeper experience of sui generis for me: the deep peace with the experience and perspective of another when it's not my own, how to *be* with that, how to flow with it and turn it into richness for my own process without leaving the other individual feeling judged and diminished because that's *not* how I want to leave them feeling at all. I want to experience richer mirrors, internal landscapes

and for me this means embracing my own Shadow all the time, being wiling to step into the spaces that are uncomfortable and scary and all the other labels- they're only uncomfortable or scary if I approach them that way.

Inside me there is a universe of possibility waiting to flower. That's where I want to go, carrying with me the signal and frequency of love, of self love, of wonder, of expansion, of embrace and joy, which means releasing all the ways of Being that don't serve this vision. Holding on to old patterns is counterintuitive to this way of Being and so I look for all the places that call to be released and transformed.



That's where I'm immersing now- releasing the energies of others with love and peace so that I can move towards what it is that I want to embrace, deepen, express and experience in my own life. I am meditating in glowing blue water, calling it into my spirit and Being on a daily basis, opening up to infinite possibility and expressing this: I know I've been caught up in releasing old patterns and in this I temporarily lost my Shine and power, yet I can feel my Self gathering the treasures of this dive and rising to the surface



each dive is priceless in learning and beauty, in the watery depths of my spirit and exploration



and what I am called to these days is the expression of these things, living into what it is within me, continuous unfurling of my possibilities and Self, without holding on to any judgement or heteronomy towards any other Being. My heart desires to flood with greater energy, to be able to hold signal in ever more powerful and profound distillations, live into my elemental nature and essence



This morning I am called to deep heart centred meditation and focus. I'm going with that.

_________________
"For every lie I unlearn, I learn something new"- Ani DiFranco

Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go. ~ TS Elliot

and from that one decision this morning, I am being *flooded* with awesome information, sensations, feelings, wellbeing, peace, joy, perspectives and expansion

the rain is a gorgeous break from the heatwave, nurturing my watery Self

_________________
"For every lie I unlearn, I learn something new"- Ani DiFranco

Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go. ~ TS Elliot

Songs, your updates inspire me, and I don't feel quite so alone when you give an update

In my wee multiverse, I have an energy field like a glacier and a physical body slowed down by MS.

The result is sort of like this



Moving with intention is the only way I get anywhere. I constantly remind myself that moving slowly is what I do best.

I have been deeply exploring the illusion of the matrix on my physical Being lately, particularly with respect to my asthma (which has stopped my heart twice in the past and resulted in many childhood trips to emergency, life support systems, oxygen tents, scarred lungs, blah blah) and to some persistent injuries from my childhood physical traumas to my head.

Here's where I'm at with it: it's becoming my experience that the *entire physical experience* here is part of the programmed reality the virus pimps. *Nothing* here is real. I've known individuals who reversed their HIV status to negative, who have left cancer behind them, who have cured themselves of MS, of luekemia, there's Mr Miracle, the Texan redneck who grew his *spinal cord* back together, levitating gurus, translocating Tibetan monks, immortals (one of whom resides in California and was alive at the time of the fall of Jerusalem and whom I'm hoping to meet this year), a doctor who kept publicly drinking cholera infected water because he was adamant that germs don't create disease- I keep looking for the evidence of the glitches that demonstrate the dubious nature of what's pimped on this planet, particularly regarding what I can and cannot do here with my avatar.

I'm meditating on it a lot, and intentionally going towards the signal that is lighting up for me: whatever wool is being pulled over the collective's eyes, I'm not interested in it anymore. I want to slide between the cracks, the glitches and deja vu's, so that I can find the fun stuff beneath this noise. My avatar is responding- today I have 50% more movement in my shoulder than I did yesterday, my breathing difficulties resolved without any medication whatsoever, my back is not hurting and there's something happening differently inside me.

This reality does not *own* my body because of one simple fact: if *I* leave it, it dies. There is no argument that the virus can put forward to suggest that it has a superior claim over my body, because as a non-corporeal Being that chooses to incarnate because I like to, the vessel that I create in that process (or walk into if I'm hopping through the multiverse via my many expressions of 'Self") is MY vessel, and cannot be usurped by any other Being. Hence, the Monsanto codes and this limp and flaccid reality can, bluntly, fuck right off: whatever is going on here is NOT what the program likes to pimp.

Findhorn is living proof that the mythology regarding 'how plants grow' is just mythology. The sunken cities in the oceans are proof that *something else* has gone on rather than the manufactured 'history of the world' that is taught in schools. The worldwide phenomenon of so-called 'primitive' art depicting space helmeted visitors demonstrates that 'something else' has gone on in the past. There are clues everywhere, and that's what I'm engaged with at the moment, because I know the paradigm is making *everything* up

and I want to see what else is possible.

_________________
"For every lie I unlearn, I learn something new"- Ani DiFranco

Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go. ~ TS Elliot

Very thought provoking and I need to research your existing writings to refresh my memory on exploring/discarding the Monsanto codes et al. I won’t bore you with my agreement re the virus and that nothing here is real.

Considering ownership of the body I’m using: when I leave the body on a permanent basis, it is likely to stay in this reality (buried, burnt, in a garbage dump, taken over by some other soul, turned into a robotic zombie, I don’t think I’m going to care).



But while I am using this body, I revert to the old concept of ‘possession is 9/10ths of the law’ (or however it goes).



That’s why the concept of MS intrigues me more than pisses me off*, because not much slowed me down before the ‘symptoms’ got my attention. When I stopped fighting the symptoms and tried working within them, I was more ‘me’. Quite the koan, yes?



History was written by those who won the wars. Not all wars are recorded as such. Therefore, history is always a wee bit suspect, in my experience. Even my own, because by virtue of being here I have won wars.



In other news, I really want to read through more of the posts on here; my head space has not been conducive to absorbing. It’s a hazard that comes with living where the temperature drops to oh my dear sweet shattered gherkins for months on end. And non-3D beings and objects are becoming visible more frequently, which I don't think is related to the temperature or excessive snow but I could be wrong

*pissed off = my default state