songsfortheotherkind.com

And I just need to say-

fuck the dance was mindblowingly good. Y'all know where to find me 9:30-11:30am every Monday and 7-9pm Thursday nights...



I just want to get back to the point where I can do this-



Dancing is bringing me back to my Self





and this is called Acro Yoga- another passion of mine, acrobalance anything...





*laughing* so, who wants to play *now*?

_________________
"For every lie I unlearn, I learn something new"- Ani DiFranco

Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go. ~ TS Elliot

i take quite a while forming responses, so much so that by the time my post is ready, the mood/theme/topic has moved on. therefore, at the risk of leaving out other valuable creations, i refer to recent posts in this topic from Prairie, Zebra and from Songs, all of whom expressed energies that appear beautiful to me.

for five decades, i listened to the virus in me saying "you have to pay your dues! you need to suffer to learn!" while silently raging against this obviously contrived and self-defeating concept. recently, i find i am more able to absorb lessons through beauty.

I find it interesting how I can follow something like "you have to suffer to learn" and find the petty defenses of it, which leads me to the real thing it's trying to keep me from. If I question it, it comes back with some attack on my age, experience, wanting a false shortcut, etc. When I get those responses, I know that there's something deeper it's afraid of.

Heh heh heh- precisely one of my favorite virus triangulation practices- find where it starts to attack me, look harder and more closely...

_________________
"For every lie I unlearn, I learn something new"- Ani DiFranco

Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go. ~ TS Elliot

Sometimes what is needed is the knowing of what it takes to dance with others, take their weight in such a way that doesn't hurt Self, to give our weight and Self to others in such a way as to not hurt them, to know that there is just as much beauty and movement in the shadows and the darkness as there is in the light...

I dance contact improv for many reasons and to experience many things- connection, trust, intimacy, joy, my own process, the process of others, my body, the body of another-

all of which are even more rich and exploratory, inviting, when in the company of a Beloved



it takes connection to Self, space, my effect on another, their presence with me, many many elements to dance contact well with others. Contact isn't a dance one can do in isolation- there are other forms of dance for this, beautiful and exquisite in their own way, yet contact by its very nature isn't solitary and requires the willingness and desire to be with another, to let pretense and internal virus drop away so that Self can be utterly physically present to everything in the space and the spaces around it.

Love is the same.



Connecting with another Being, in whatever way this is happening, is always a moment where the contact is possible, where the moment, the experience, can be transformed from something ordinary into something extraordinary and this has nothing to do with anything external- the whole dance is done from the *inside*, in contact of any kind, physically, emotionally, energetically- the quality of the dance, the connection, the co-creation for me springs from the riches and conditions *within me* rather than from anything external- if I discover that I'm dancing with an individual that can't get into the dance with me I have choices

I can either moderate my style to accommodate the level of the other dancer and sometimes this is a choice, or has been the agreement before the dance begins because I've had the opportunity to discover what kind of dancer they are

but sometimes I don't get the chance to know the dancer before the dance is happening and then it becomes a different kind of experience- it becomes a deeper exploration and invitation in the moment, less planned and carefully approached- contact jams, gatherings of dancers who don't necessarily know each other are like this and sometimes there are lessons in self care and how I like to explore into such spaces, particularly with certain kinds of physical expressions

I've learned and observed that many male contact dancers engage in the equivalent of a pissing competition with one another if there's a strong, aggressive male dancer in the lead. I've been hurt in these kinds of contact classes and I've learned to identify certain kinds of signals, the dancer who likes to throw themselves and others around carelessly, who are so caught up in their own process they don't care about who they crash into, or who they engage forcefully, blasting their process all over others

some like this; they use these kind of dancers as a litmus test of their own ability to absorb or deflect such energy, they engage with it to test themselves-

and I'm not that kind of dancer. Once upon a time, yes, definitely- I wanted to test my ability to be hurt and bounce back, or absorb the hurt, or deflect the energy, or recover from being treated like a non-Being and it's not like that now. For me, I'm interested in connecting at much deeper levels, with dancers that are deeply connected to their own process, bodies, energy, desire to connect dancers who have done their own work and own their own Self in every way, who are clear about their wanting to connect and who approach contact improv as a spiritual and energetic practice rather than something purely physical

this is how I dance

I don't dance with beginners much anymore. I know the process and appreciate it, and I choose the spaces and places where there's already presence, and knowing, and the energy of expansion and awareness that beginners don't have. Beginners are looking internally, and are caught up in the process of learning their own bodies, learning the way they like to dance- they get caught up for awhile in the exhilarating antics of the flamboyant, physical dancers and it gets all wild and tossed about, which can be awesome and fun

and is something I only engage in with dancers I know because knowing who I'm dancing with is part of my own process in dance, in contact, in connection: I have chosen, for many reasons, to never go to certain places with dancers I don't know. Knowing isn't a time based thing- I can know a dancer's signal in the first moment of meeting, sometimes- I knew Triffid in the first minute I met him and ten years later I'm still dancing with him on all levels because he's also a dancer- I have stood back and watched him go off at a rave and been mesmerised by his passion and grace, knowing that he was applying his knowledge of physics and motion to his own body to find all the strange and wonderful ways it could move

I know certain signals and respond to them openly and this has also transformed lately there are signals that I'm stepping away from, the water crashing against the rocks, the energy of bouncing off other bodies without care because there's so much self absorption and inversion

these no longer are part of my space. I'm choosing something different now- my dance practice has deepened, my willingness to explore and dive into the depths has expanded and I want to find dancers who want to go there too, who love this evolution of experience and expression rather than sticking with the one thing that they know for their entire lives who aren't afraid to connect who want to move through life in wonder and openness, knowing how to breathe into the internal space for their own nourishment and exhale into the connection from the depths of their own Stargates and Being

I want to dance with those who grok that love is different from 'relationship'- love is whatever love feels like to the Self- what is it that is truly being asked for? "I want a relationship!" "Why?" "Because I want to feel loved!" "What does love feel like for you?" "Well... uh.... being with someone..."

What do I want to experience? I want to experience being lovingly touched by a Being that is gifting it to me without agenda, isn't asking something back from me in any way- not sex, not money, not recipricocity- just because they want to. I want to experience connecting with a Being who can map their own process and who wants to share this with me, in openness, without bullshit and drama, who sees the virus as something that simply is and knows how to dance with it and who can connect with me in great depth because they're not caught up in story

I am currently exploring love through my connection to my Self- I'm gifting my Self what I need to heal, to embrace the connection with my body, to embrace the virus within me as a teacher, a mirror, showing me where I'm not living into my power, or where I'm turning away from my Self for whatever reason, showing me where I truly want to go rather than accepting drifting with the programming. I'm gifting my Self things that I want- I've recently been buying my Self new clothes that are beautiful and that I love to wear; I've gotten piercings I've been wanting, I have engaged my tattooist to create a henna style tattoo with butterflies as a memorial to my girls (and yes, when I get it done next month I'll post pics), I've gifted my Self dance, training, healing, spending time alone- I'm learning what love feels like when I give it to my Self because it's nobody else's ability to give it to me- loving me is *my* Art and the more I connect with my Self the more I'm free to truly connect with another

contact improv has taught me this.

I'm getting into the space of getting up and dancing, moving, every morning- if my daughters get up with me then we'll do acroyoga, or acrobalance, together- and if they don't I can do tai chi/qi gong, dance, pilates, stretches by my Self and it's an utterly gorgeous way to begin the day, dancing in my garden, dancing with my Self on every level. It's one of the things I've envisioned for Moonhaven- a morning ritual of connection through dance, movement, touch, contact- with Self, with the garden, with each other, with Gaia- there's so much dance contained within the vision of Moonhaven, for those who want to embrace it...

I've been dancing in my chair while I've been writing this- so much movement is possible in a chair even while I'm typing *laughing* I've loved discovering that. Movement is always the possibility in the moment- nobody turns a hair at me now when I'm practicing my stretches in the local supermarket, ordering the things from the deli while I'm pulling my leg up behind my head to that my foot is moving towards my head...

I love where I live. I'm loving all of this. There are such gorgeous, gorgeous ways to live and I want to share this with other dancers...

so what sort of contact dancer are you?

_________________
"For every lie I unlearn, I learn something new"- Ani DiFranco

Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go. ~ TS Elliot

It's really annoying that this program reformats my writing- all the spaces and formatting I had done this with were lost.

Going to have to do something about that, because the spaces are just as important- if not more so- than the words...

_________________
"For every lie I unlearn, I learn something new"- Ani DiFranco

Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go. ~ TS Elliot

Prairie said "If I question it, it comes back with some attack on my age, experience, wanting a false shortcut, etc. When I get those responses, I know that there's something deeper it's afraid of." often (perhaps not always) when i got a response that involved a label, i 'felt' the hook projecting out, reaching out with desperation in search of supposed
comfort from the original and false premise. labels can be a training device for me, and not something i strive to rely on when moving to the next level of me. Thank you, Prairie, for raising that thoughtform into words for me.

Songs said "precisely one of my favorite virus triangulation practices- find where it starts to attack me, look harder and more closely... " i like this phrase, triangulation practices.

for a long time, i flailed furiously during my discovery process, trying to avoid the hooks. which is a fairly accurate description of how i expressed myself in the contact dance of life for many years. now i find it's more like sit back and observe without looking, and occasionally impaling myself on a blindingly obvious piece of code. which also describes
the sort of contact dance i currently engage in.

while i would not recommend my approaches, i've found both forms to be entertaining. i learn and express through spaces as well as through non spaces. perhaps some day i will again get the hang of just enough but not too much space around me. getting the hang of copy/paste from the artwords of others here would likely also be good.

they always miss the point, don't they-

hurry up...

_________________
"For every lie I unlearn, I learn something new"- Ani DiFranco

Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go. ~ TS Elliot

_________________
"For every lie I unlearn, I learn something new"- Ani DiFranco

Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go. ~ TS Elliot

For me as a Being, the exploration of signal is something I delight in. Delight is something I enjoy, and in my 'Verse enjoyment is not a low vibration signal that Beings need to aspire to be loftier than to signify evolution.

I am a passionate Trickster, Slider, grinning little Joker that likes to laugh and delightedly explore the physical embodiment, the never ending richness of the evolution

I'll roll my Self in the coconut choc chips of embodiment and then lick them off my Self....

_________________
"For every lie I unlearn, I learn something new"- Ani DiFranco

Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go. ~ TS Elliot